Parenting When Times Are Tough
While parenthood is something many of us dreamed of since we were young, if we’re honest, sometimes it can be really tough. During the baby, toddler, and preschool years, there can be seasons of monotony and physical exhaustion. But when we hit the tween and teen years, parenting can take on a more mentally and emotionally draining toll. Parenting can bring so much pride and joy, but it’s rarely ever considered a cakewalk, particularly when our adolescents hit a rough spot. At times, their actions cause us to lose our cool, pull our hair out, lose our patience, and possibly even want to throw up our hands and just give up. It’s inevitable that there will be difficult circumstances we have to navigate while parenting, but fortunately, there are some strategies that can help us work through them in a way that honors God and the call He has for us to disciple the students He has entrusted into our care.
Perspective – When my first-born son was three or four, I was lamenting (or maybe complaining) to a friend that he was still wearing pull-ups overnight. I wondered if he would ever be able to sleep through the night without wetting himself or at least wake up to go to the bathroom. My friend replied, “Don’t worry. He won’t head off to college in pull-ups!” That bit of humor helped me put the situation into perspective. He is now a junior in college, and pull-ups are a very distant memory. When our kids hit their teenage years, their problems are weightier, and it’s easy to question if they’ll ever work through them. We may even begin to worry that an unhealthy habit or character trait will follow them for the rest of their life. More often than not, it’s just a phase (though possibly a long one), and it helps to remember God’s faithfulness in the past. It may also be helpful to make a concerted effort to take some time to focus on the positive qualities of our child. Even when they are making bad decisions, they are not a wholly bad person. They still need to be affirmed for the positive character traits they have.
Perseverance – James 1:2-3 says, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” Sometimes, parenting can feel like a trial, but often, it’s the times when parenting is the hardest that our kids need us the most. Our source of perseverance comes from our trust in God. We have to trust that God loves our kids even more than we do. We have to trust that God wants what’s best for our kids even more than we do. We have to trust that God promises His presence with us and His strength in us in all circumstances. Then, we must persevere in loving our child through difficult times.
Preservation – There are times that while we love our kids, we don’t necessarily like them. Their words, attitudes, and behavior can sadden, frustrate, and even anger us. There may be times when their obedience to what we think is right or best for them becomes even more important than our relationship with them. It is our job to disciple and discipline our kids, to teach them right from wrong, to encourage godly character traits in their lives, and to exhort them to reflect those traits in their everyday lives. However, to do so at the cost of our relationship with them is a huge miss. In the midst of parenting in tough situations, it is critical to do all we can to preserve our relationship with our teens. It’s important to make sure not every conversation is one of correction or revolving around the issue at hand. Again, find ways to affirm the good in them. A ministry friend once advised me to parent my teens in such a way that I can have a strong, healthy relationship with them when they become young adults. In order for that to be accomplished, we must preserve a relationship with them even during the toughest of times.
Prayer – This is the most powerful tool we have to persevere through tough parenting phases, preserve our relationship with our teens, and affect true change in both ourselves and our adolescents. Pray for the change you want to see; pray for the godly character traits you hope will be established in your child’s life; pray for the condition of their hearts. The best agents of change in our kids’ lives are hearts turned toward God. Pick a scripture to pray over your child – it can be quite powerful. Here are a few examples:
“That he may incline our (my child) hearts to him, to walk in all his ways and to keep his commandments, his statutes, and his rules, which he commanded our fathers.” (1 Kings 8:58)
“Teach me (my child) your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name.” (Psalm 86:11)
“Keep steady my (child) steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me.” (Psalm 119:133)
Parenting can be difficult, but God can give you the tools and the strength to endure so that you can enjoy the blessing of parenthood well into your children’s own adulthood.
Karin Sasser